I'll give you two examples from today and yesterday:
I was changing a big poopy diaper and noticed it gave Jake diaper rash. I decided to give him a bath. I took him in the bathroom and noticed there was still sand in the tub from a recent beach trip. I set him down next to me outside of the tub with no diaper on while I leaned over to rinse the sand down the drain. I felt something warm and wet hitting my foot. I looked and found him peeing on me and the floor. I went to grab paper towels from under the bathroom sink to wipe up the puddle of pee. During those few seconds I heard glass shattering and looked to see he had grabbed my nail polish and thrown it into the tub. It broke and hot pink nail polish had splattered all over the tub. I paused in a brief moment of shock. I then bent down to wipe up the pee really quick and as I did, he peed again. If you're wondering what my thoughts were, they were along the lines of "Am I living in a sitcom right now?"
I put a diaper on Jake (finally doing something smart) and then worked for the next hour trying to clean up all of the hot pink nail polish from the tub (using nail polish remover and bleach). As I did this, I would look up occasionally to see what he was doing. At one point I found that he'd taken the toilet brush out of its holder and was playing with it and examining its bristles with his fingers. Holding back the throw-up coming into my mouth, I took it away and washed his hands and arms with soap. At another point I looked up to see him dipping my Bath and Body Works lotions into the toilet. Again, I stopped to wash his hands and arms with soap. By the time I was finished, the bathroom floor was covered in little ripped up pieces of toilet paper, puddles of water he'd shaken out of his bath toys, and all my lotions and perfumes, (which by the way, I can't remember which one was dipped into the toilet) with all their lids and sprayer tops removed. Now you might be wondering why I don't have locks on the toilet and all the cabinets or why I didn't just put him in his crib at some point. My answer for you is, I have no idea. Maybe I'm not that smart or maybe I can just claim temporary insanity. But I can assure you that toilet locks and more cabinet locks are coming very soon.
Example 2:
Today I was making dinner and cleaning up the kitchen. I turned on his show in the other room, but he likes being by me in the kitchen. As I worked on dinner he unloaded everything from a cabinet that I'd left open. Then a bit later as I was doing dishes and he was getting into the pantry, I looked to see he had ripped open a container of green otter pops and was splashing in the green puddle on the floor. I stopped to clean him up, wipe off the toys he'd put in the puddle, and mop the floor. Then i put him back in front of his show and got back to cleaning the kitchen. A little later I checked on him, but he wasn't watching his show. I found him upstairs in the bathroom splashing and playing in the toilet as if it was his own kiddie pool...maybe I should go get him a real one and the toilet obsession will stop?? He was wet, the floor was wet, and I was yet again, grossed out. I changed him, washed his face, arms, and hands and brought him back into the kitchen with me. When I got back to loading the dishwasher, he stood by me and unloaded each item as I loaded it in...one of his favorite things to do.
This all reminds me of a song by Lonestar called Mr. Mom where the Dad stays home thinking it will be an easy job. Here's the chorus:
Pampers melt in a Maytag dryer
Crayons go up one drawer higher
Rewind Barney for the fifteenth time
Breakfast, six naps at nine
There's bubble gum in the baby's hair
Sweet potatoes in my lazy chair
Been crazy all day long
and it's only Monday Mr. Mom
Yeah, it ain't easy. But if it sounds like I'm complaining...I'm not. I love every minute of it. 
Who would want to wish these days away???
Can anyone relate? Share some tidbits of yours if you want...
9 comments:
Love this post - it's a crazy life, this whole "mom" thing...but it is a worthwhile ride...even if we end up in the toilet a few times! lol! Thanks for sharing, Lu!
omigosh, you had me literally laughing out loud so hard kianna ran in the house from playing outside to see what was going on... with sand and water dripping from her clothes and shoes and crunching away on the tasty kernels of sand from our sand and water table. UGG. hahahaha. we just have to laugh, though. they're so darn cute... even when getting themselves into so much trouble! you've definitely got quite an explorer on your hands, though... wish we could get together soon to re-introduce the kiddos! miss you and i plan on calling you back in the next day or two! xo, Anne
what mom can't relate, right? i love scenario 1 and when all was said and done and you finally gave him a bath at least a couple hours had passed and if you're like me you think, " Great now it's time to start dinner, do laundry, etc." yeah it's cute cuz they're innocent and don't know the toilet is sick and wrong. but you'll definitely be glad when they're don't infatuated with toilet water and toilet brushes anymore. Jordyn's just getting out of her tampon infatuations. It's pretty hilarious when i find opened tampons under the couch or behind a plant. Once jeff and I finally put child locks on everything, it took her all of about a week to figure out how to open them and still get into everything. Good stories; they are worth writing down. I write down all the funny things Sydney says.
i have had so many dysfunctional moments with little boys i can't even single one out. seems like they know when you have to hurry because they always need a diaper change right then and that is always when the wipes are somehow lost upstairs!
here is the most recent:
friday morning, isaac locked me out of my room again (2nd time) and so i couldn't get jackson's diabetes supplies without taking off the doorknob. well, we were meeting friends in 1/2 an hour at a place that was 20 minutes away, so i ran in the garage to look for the needles and supplies i keep in the car. luckily i found all the supplies i needed in the car, but while i was outside, isaac fell over the back of the couch onto the tile and got hurt. so, after calming him down, checking his eyes, giving him ibuprofen, etc., i got jackson's blood checked, gave him a shot, packed our stuff up and ran out the door! just then i smelled poop. you might want to assume it was 2-year-old issac, but it was 5-year-old.... won't mention names. someone had a little accident. we were late:) needless to say!
Oh Luisa...thanks for the laugh. Let's not forget Jake's poo laying on our carpet and you frantically changing him as Marc lounges on our chaise. To make you feel better, Luke has dumped a slurpee size cup of water outside of the bath 4 days in a row. I finally got smart and did't give it to him last time. I gave him a spatula instead. I bent over to wash his hair and he hit me with it right on the corner of my lip. It hurt so bad. It wasn't on purpose...that's what I had to tell myself to get through that bath!
Lu, you could make a story about the grocery store hilarious so leave it you to have that experience with your sweet son:) Now times that by 3 for a day in my life...Seriously if nothing more than documenting for other's entertainment, you just brightened my day & hope your next one isn't as eventful but glad you're keeping it in perspective?!
It's crazy being a MOM. WOW, I didnt know those things happened. You know what maybe 1 day we should just talk about all these crazy fun "mom" things. what do you think?
I love the new look of your blog. And love your post. Write down as much as you can. It goes REALLY fast! Later on when you think they would be smarter they prove that they're still just little kids with bigger bodies. On Thursday night my gigantic kid was acting like a toddler and slammed the glass shower door which shattered and shards of glass flew into his naked body. Long story short, lots of blood and a few stitches!
Hey you! Oh wow, I was laughing so hard when I read your stories. So true,...and then the day is done, you look at them peacefully sleeping in their beds and you think, "oh, what a precious little innocent thing." Then you wake up the next morning and do it all again. It is so much more fun to laugh at these challenges. I tell ya though, I SO agree we just wouldn't want it any other way, the adventurous curious ones are hard to beat in terms of personality and smarts.....hmmm I wonder what we were like?! ;)
Post a Comment